Family Problems and Conflict

 

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Family Problems and Conflict

It is human nature to love, but it is also true that human’s have faced conflict both in the home environment and outside since the beginning of time. We have always asked ourselves – when there is conflict and discord in one’s immediate family, either with parents or siblings, whatever the reason then how does one arrive at some harmony?

When we say parents and siblings we need to remember that we did not choose them, unlike in marriage where there is a choice. In our relationship with our parents and siblings we cannot blame others, whereas in marriage we can always make excuses. We should realise that the family (now we have nuclear families as against joint families in the past) is a good training ground for one to find one’s limitations. We are cocooned with a set of people – which means we get to know them very well and we get to step on each other’s toes too. There are things that one hates bout some of them, but still, we have to live with them and hold our peace. This is unlike our social media family of 10000 on Facebook, where we can just click and unfriend or block someone.

Our real family – whether nuclear or joint – is a beautiful place for us to grow beyond our likes and dislikes. Our likes and dislikes are the foundation for the compulsiveness within us. When we limit ourselves to likes and dislikes, we ensure that consciousness stays away from us. Our behaviour is defined by our likes and dislikes – as our reaction becomes compulsive based on these likes and dislikes.

Just as the butterfly stays in its cocoon till the time it is ready to fly away, so is it with our family, we live in the family cocoon and we have to stay in close quarters whether we like it or not; till the time we learn to transcend our likes and dislikes, become conscious and then leave the cocoon. On the other hand we could stay in the cocoon unconsciously and keep stepping on the toes of other family members and live in continuous stress.

Once we accept people for what they are, whatever their idiosyncrasies, then we consciously transcend our likes and dislikes. When we transcend our likes and dislikes, unknowingly, we become conscious. Unknowingly, we turn spiritual, and this is the best way to turn spiritual. The best way to become spiritual is to consciously evolve to a point where we are not compulsorily reactive anymore. Family is a good place for us to train ourselves towards that. We are not trapped in this forever. Whatever kind of family we live in, it is only for a certain period of time. We must use this period of time to transcend our likes and dislikes.

Family is not the problem. Our wanting to be with what we like is the problem. Don’t choose what you like. See how to make what is there wonderful. What comes to us is not our business. What we make out of it is our business.