Knowing One’s State

 

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Knowing One’s State

There are qualities which grow as meditation deepens. For example, we start feeling loving for no reason at all. Not the love that we know, in which we have to fall — not falling in love. But just a quality of lovingness, not only to human beings. As our meditation deepens, our lovingness will start spreading beyond humanity to animals, to trees, even to the rocks, to the mountains.

If we feel that something is left out of our love — that means we are stuck. Our lovingness should spread to the whole existence. As our meditation goes higher, our lower qualities start dropping. We cannot manage both. We cannot be angry as easily as we have always been. Slowly, slowly, it becomes impossible to be angry. We cannot deceive, cheat, exploit, in any way. We cannot hurt. Our behaviour pattern will be changing with change in our inner consciousness.

A moment comes when even if we want to be angry, we will find it impossible; we have forgotten the language of anger. Laughter will become easier. Our face, our eyes, will be aglow with some inner light. We will feel for ourselves that we have become light, as if gravitation does not function as it used to function before.

As meditation grows, we will feel that we are becoming soft, vulnerable — just as laughter will become easy for us, tears will also become easy. But these tears will not be of sadness or sorrow. These tears will be of joy, blissfulness; these tears will be of gratitude, of thankfulness. These tears will say what words cannot; these tears will be our prayers.

And for the first time we will know that tears are not only to express our pain, our misery, our suffering; that’s how we have used them. But they have a far greater purpose to fulfil; they are immensely beautiful when they come as an expression of ecstasy.

And we will find, on the whole, expansion — that we are expanding, we are becoming bigger and bigger. Not in the sense of the ego but in the sense that our consciousness is spreading, that it is taking people within its area, that our hands are becoming bigger and hugging far away people, that distances are falling away, that even far away stars are close, because our consciousness now has wings.

And these things are so clear and so certain that a question or doubt never arises. If a doubt arises that means we are stuck; then we have to be more alert, then we have to put forth our energy more intensively in meditation.

As our meditation deepens all these things are going to happen - somebody will condemn us, somebody will think we are mad, somebody who has some understanding will ask us, “What has happened to you and how can it happen to me?” We have to remain centred, rooted, grounded in our being — whatsoever happens around does not matter. We have to become the centre of the cyclone.

And we will know when we have become the centre of the cyclone. There is no need to ask, “How will we know?” How do we know when we have a headache? It is a soul-ache; we will know it. We will simply know!