Anxiety-free Relationships

 

Photo Credit: Sadhguru

Anxiety-free Relationships

When we live in this world, there are various types of complex interactions which are happening. As our field of play increases, the complexity of interaction also goes on increasing. If we are just sitting in a cubicle working on our computer with only one other person, we need only a little understanding. If we are managing a thousand people, we need a vast understanding of everyone. Suppose we are managing a thousand people and we want all these people to understand us, we are not going to manage anything. We need to understand the limitations and capabilities of these thousand people and do what we can. Only then will we have the power to move the situation the way we want it to go. If we are waiting for these thousand people to understand us and act, it is a pipe dream. It is never going to happen.

When there is someone very important to us and thereby the relationship also has primacy – in such cases we expect better understanding from this person or persons. The closer the relationship is, the more effort we should make to understand them. It so happened, once there was a man who had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, with his wife staying at his bedside night and day. When he came to, in those few moments of consciousness, he motioned for her to come closer. As she sat beside him, he said, “I’ve been thinking…you have been with me through all the bad times in my life. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business went down the tube, you were there working overtime and doing night shifts. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house in that legal clash, you were right there beside me. Now my health is failing, and you are still by my side. When I consider all this, I think you only bring me bad luck!”

This is exactly what we are doing to ourselves and to your relationships. Someone becomes closer and dearer to us only as we start understanding them better. If they understand us, they enjoy the closeness of the relationship. If we understand them better, we enjoy the closeness.

It is not that the other person is totally bereft of understanding. With our understanding we can create situations where the other person would be able to understand us better. If we are expecting the other to understand and comply with us all the time while we don’t understand the limitations, possibilities, needs and capabilities of that person, conflict is all that will happen. It is bound to happen.

Whether they are close relationships, professional, political, global or whatever, doesn’t one want to be the person who decides what happens in one’s life? If we do, we better include everything and everyone into our understanding. We should enhance our understanding to such a point that we can look beyond people’s madness also. There are very wonderful people around us, but once in a while they like to go crazy for a few minutes. If we don’t understand that, we will lose them. If we do, we know how to handle them.

Life is not always a straight line. We have to do many things to keep it going. If we forsake our understanding, our capability will be lost. Whether it is a question of personal relationships or professional management, in both places we need understanding. Otherwise, we won’t have fruitful relationships.