Photo Credit: Live Bold and Bloom
Fear of Being Alone
It is natural to be afraid of being left alone –
this is because we are all born in a family, and we grow up amongst people who
love us for who we are. There is a sense of belonging as we are always part of
a certain group, a certain crowd, a certain religion. We are always surrounded
by people. So, for us it appears to be natural to be amongst people, though it
is just a habit formed since birth.
If we look at nature, we will realise that this is
not natural – because in nature, everybody is born alone. It does not matter
that one is born in a family. We spend nine months all alone in the mother’s
womb. After taking birth, whenever we close our eyes, we discover our
aloneness. Even when we go to the market, or in any crowded area, we just have
to close our eyes and we find that we are alone.
Aloneness is our very nature, being in a crowd is
just a habit. But the habit, over time, has become so strong that we feel it is
our nature. And because of this strong habit we are afraid about what may
happen if people leave us and go away, what will we do? In fact, we do not know
who we are, because it is people’s opinions about us that give us our identity –
they create an identity for us.
People have opinions about others – he is
handsome, intelligent, caring, loving, and so on – so it is these handles that
create an identity for the individual. Our whole identity consists of very
nonessential things: and those are the opinions given by others to us. They can
withdraw their opinions; hence people are always afraid to do anything that
goes against tradition, religion, political ideology, nationalistic attitudes.
Even if it seems absolutely wrong, people go on supporting it for the simple
reason that they are afraid that if they raise their voice against anything
traditional, society can withdraw the identity that it has given to them. And
then we will not know who we are.
That is the fear – that if we are left alone, how
will we know who we are? All those people who had made us something, have all
gone. And now, the fear remains until we come to know ourself directly, as to
who ‘we’ really are – directly, not through someone!
We need to remember only two things. When we know
ourselves through others, that is our personality, just a thin layer of
opinions. When we know ourself directly, we know our individuality. And once we
know our individuality, the fear disappears.
Whenever one gets a chance, close the eyes, sit
silently, relaxed, and look inside. Slowly, slowly the turmoil settles, the
mind becomes quiet, and a deep silence prevails. And suddenly one starts
feeling one’s innermost being, the very center of life, which is alone. There
is nobody and there can never be anybody. Nobody can approach there except you.
It is your territory. It is the only place which belongs to you.
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