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Difficult
to Forgive
The ego exists on misery – the more misery the
more nourishment for it. In blissful moments the ego totally disappears, and
vice versa: if the ego disappears, bliss starts showering on us. If we want the
ego, we cannot forgive, forget – particularly the hurts, the wounds, the
insults, the humiliations, the nightmares. Not only that we cannot forget, we
will go on exaggerating them, we will emphasize them. We will tend to forget
all that has been beautiful in our life, we will not remember joyous moments;
they serve no purpose as far as the ego is concerned. Joy is like poison to the
ego, and misery is like vitamins.
We will have to understand the whole mechanism of
the ego. If we try to forgive, that is not real forgiveness. With effort, we
will only repress. We can forgive only when we understand the stupidity of the
whole game that goes on within our mind. The total absurdity of it all has to
be seen through and through, otherwise we will repress from one side and it
will start coming from another side. We will repress in one form; it will
assert in another form – sometimes so subtle that it is almost impossible to
recognise it, that it is the same old structure, so renovated, refurnished,
redecorated, that it looks almost new.
The ego lives on the negative, because the ego is
basically a negative phenomenon; it exists on saying no. No is the soul of the
ego. And how can we say no to bliss? We can say no to misery, we can say no to
the agony of life. How can we say no to the flowers and the stars and the
sunsets and all that is beautiful, divine? And existence is full of it – it is
full of roses – but we go on picking the thorns; we have a great investment in
those thorns. On the one hand we go on saying, “No, I don’t want this misery,”
and on the other hand we go on clinging to it. And for centuries we have been
told to forgive.
But the ego can live through forgiving, it can
start having a new nourishment through the idea that, “I have forgiven. I have
even forgiven my enemies. I am no ordinary person.” And, remember perfectly
well, one of the fundamentals of life is that the ordinary person is one who
thinks that he is not; the average person is one who thinks that he is not. The
moment we accept our ordinariness, we become extraordinary. The moment we
accept our ignorance, the first ray of light has entered into our being, the
first flower has bloomed. The spring is not far away.
Jesus says, "Forgive your enemies, love your enemies".
And he is right, because if we can forgive our enemies, we will be free of
them, otherwise they will go on haunting us. Enmity is a kind of relationship;
it goes deeper than our so-called love.
1 comment:
very opt. very crispy comments on ego.
just loved it
thanks
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