Reopening Old Wounds

 

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Reopening Old Wounds

A common question is – Why is it difficult to forgive, to stop holding on to old wounds? The answer is simple – it is all that such people have got, we go on playing with our old wounds and keep them alive in our memory. We never allow them to heal. People keep on carrying things that they hate. They live in their hate.  They live in their hatred. They go on fingering their wounds so they don’t heal; they don’t allow them to heal – their whole life depends on their past. Unless we start living in the present, we will not be able to forget and forgive the past.

The first thing to remember is: ego is the most negative phenomenon in existence. It is like darkness. Darkness has no positive existence; it is simply absence of light. Light has a positive existence; that’s why we cannot do anything directly with darkness. If our room is full of darkness, we cannot put the darkness out of the room, we cannot throw it out, we cannot destroy it by any means directly.

If we try to fight with it, we will be defeated. Darkness cannot be defeated by fighting. We may be great wrestlers but we will be surprised to know that we cannot defeat darkness. It is impossible, for the simple reason that darkness does not exist. If we want to do anything with darkness we will have to go via light. If we don’t want darkness, bring light in. If we want darkness, then put the light off. But do something with light; nothing can be done with darkness directly.

Instead of forgiving, it would be easier to bring light into our lives – meditation under the guidance of a realised Master helps light the inner lamp, which in turn makes the darkness go away. This light helps heal old wounds and makes it easier to forgive and let go of old wounds from the past.

And at the very center of darkness is ego. Ego is the center of darkness. We bring light through meditation – we become more aware, we become more alert. Otherwise, we will go on repressing, and whatever is repressed has to be repressed again and again and again. And it is an exercise in futility, utter futility. It will start coming up from somewhere else. It will find some other, weaker point in us.

Awareness cannot be in the past and cannot be in the future. Awareness knows only the present. Awareness knows no past, no future; it has only one tense, the present. Be aware, and as we start enjoying the present more and more, as we feel the bliss of being in the present, we will stop going into the past. We will not have to forget and forgive; it will simply disappear on its own accord. We will be surprised – where it has gone? And once the past is no more there, future also disappears because future is only a projection of the past. 

To be free from past and future is to taste freedom for the first time, is to taste God. And in that experience, one becomes whole, healthy; all wounds are healed. Suddenly there are no more any wounds; we start feeling a deep well-being arising within us. That well-being is the beginning of transformation.