Insincerity
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Many of us have had phases in life when circumstances
made us act dishonestly and with insincerity; whatsoever may have been the
reasons, our dishonesty and insincerity always weigh upon minds and hearts which are
basically honest. But over a period of time, it so happens that the easy way
out becomes a habit with some people and then dishonesty and insincerity become
a way of life. For those who are basically honest, these aberrations in their behaviour
weigh heavily upon their minds and fill them with guilt.
Even those who get initiated into spirituality and
have been blessed with a living Guru as their spiritual guide, they too find it
difficult to get rid of their insincerity. But such people are living in a
delusional world and are only fooling themselves. One’s spiritual practice whether
in collectivity or alone has to be done sincerely for its benefits to flow.
For one to get over this sense of guilt and this
kind of behaviour one has to accept that one is dishonest and insincere. Just remain
with the feeling that one has been insincere, that is enough. It has a
tremendous capacity cleanse and purify. Just remain with the feeling that “I
have been insincere, I have been dishonest”, that “I am insincere” – do not try
to do anything about it. If one does so, then that too would be insincere, as one
would be trying to create a good image about oneself. One’s ego is hurting
because one has been insincere.
Just being aware of the fact is purifying, don’t
do anything about it, as that will be premature. Just live with the idea that one
is insincere. Just living with the very idea, the very awareness will kill the
ego completely. The ego cannot remain alive if one thinks one is insincere, the
ego needs a clean, good image, of a sincere person!
One’s insincerity has been highlighted during
meditation, now the ego is in danger of death. The difficult thing to practice
is being alert to this insincerity. Don’t try to change it, just observe it,
just witness – then it will change of its own accord.
When change comes, it is not because we are doing
something about it, that change comes from God, our soul which is eternal and
pure, that change will come from within – consider it God’s blessing, His gift.
All one’s doing will be an undoing – we need to keep reminding ourselves that
we are not doing anything.
Now meditation has broken a window into the
falsity – we are now looking into our own self: our own reality. One is now looking
into one’s own mirror. Look at the mirror, accept whatever is visible, remain
with the fact – that is our reality. By remaining with the fact, one will
change – that will not be our doing, it will just happen!
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